How Can I Feel Better About Stopping Therapy Right When I Want to Be There?

Question by : How can I feel better about stopping therapy right when I want to be there?
I’m sorry, I gave a long explanation for this before (if it sounds familiar), but this is, hopefully, a briefer post.

I’m canceling my therapy appointment for tomorrow, because my mom needs me. I live my life for my mom. Its always been her or everything else, and years ago it reached the point where I couldn’t do anything or see anyone because she needed me. I don’t mind, because she’s my mom and I love her. Being everything to her is really hard though, because I’m so petrified of letting her down. There’s a ton more to this situation, but this post will be super long if I explain it all.

I finally agreed with my dad that I’d go to therapy (he wants me to go for my perfectionism). My secret reason for saying yes is that I’m scared if my mind collapses any further I won’t be able to keep on fake-smiling and being super peppy for my mom. This time I vowed I’d open up. It’s been really hard, but I want to put all of my secrets behind me once and for all. I actually was looking forward to going to this session, because it’s nice to have an adult give me feedback (I’ve gone twice so far). It’s my own fault I’m missing it, but I’m so sad to not be going. I’m disappointed that I was mistaken in thinking I could help my mom and go to therapy. I was starting to think that as difficult as it would be I’d finally tell someone my biggest secret and let go off the shame that has multiplied year by year, but I realize now that my mom needs me too much for me to be able to keep going to therapy (she’s so depressed and an alcoholic and she relies on me for everything– I’ve always insisted upon earning straight A+s, but at this point I don’t even know how to balance her and school anymore).

How can I feel better about stopping therapy right when I actually want to be there? I feel guilty for now having wasted everyone’s time. My mom is very opposed to therapy, so speaking about it with her wouldn’t work (I put off going for years so as to not disappoint her, but, as I said above, the fear of going crazy and failing her without it scared me and caused me to finally go).

Thank you very much.

Best answer:

Answer by U_THINK
Your dad is right. Your mom sounds to needy. This is not good for you. Being there for your mom hand and foot is like bringing world peace. IT JUST WONT HAPPEN. Just cause your mother is unhappy doesn’t mean you should to. Cause in the end you will have a kid and no partner and start a whole new cycle of resentment. So please fix your self and go to therapy.

Answer by Jerry
Perfectionism is thought to be related to OCD, and anxiety, so check out the relevant posts, and web pages on those subjects at http://your-mental-health.8m.com/25.html and pages f, & i. Alcohol; see page 6. Study tips; page P. Treat the underlying cause, and any associated problems become much more manageable. Stress is also addressed there; try the free weblinks. Also check out the info, on social anxiety, and self confidence. Visualise a dial, with the setting of your perfectionism at 100; now visualise, as vividly as you possibly can, yourself changing it to 99, 98, or 97, as much as you think you can live reasonably comfortably with, for a while, at least; maybe 96, or even 94! Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm or www.wikihow.com/Meditate and/or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at http://www.mercola.com “EFT” & “EFT therapists”, or www.emofree.com Professional is best.

There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: “Even though I am often a perfectionist, I deeply and completely accept myself.” Importantly; with due focus, and intent; put forward something good, but where you know there is some room for improvement, to show yourself that the world won’t come to an end in such a situation. Employ Dr. Burns strategy*, of listing likely outcomes, and how you would cope, in such eventualities. Hypnotisn is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which communication with the subconscious mind is facilitated. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or, more alternatives along such lines are on page G, at 8m.com about perfectionism. Read: “Feeling Good – the new mood therapy” by * David D. Burns, from your bookstore, or Amazon.com and use their searchbar for more books, CD’s, & VHS on perfectionism, selecting the highest rated.

Check out any medications prescribed at: http://www.drugs.com/ ** & http://www.rxlist.com/ & http://www.iguard.org/ & http://crazymeds.us/ & http://www.askapatient.com/ A medication interactions function is here** Also: http://www.drugdigest.org/ ** They all have risks, and possible side effects, and will still be there, in 3 months time, if absolutely necessary, but I suggest that you try the alternatives, first, and avoid possible risks, and/or side effects. View the post, and section on depression about St. John’s wort, which is often recommended for OCD, & anxiety, which is closely related to perfectionism.

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