My Husband “depression” Is Killing me….what Can I Do?

Question by need help: My husband “depression” is killing me….what can I do?
My husband has mental problems. He hates himself, his life, his job and I suffer for it. We both make good money have a beautiful home and have a good life. We’ve been married 9 years. He has days when he just wakes up mad at the world. I try and try to help him. I tell him over and over I love him, that he’s wonderful but when he’s like this, there’s no getting thru to him. He even turns to violence. He’s been known to break things, wreck his truck and other things like that. He’s never hurt me and I don’t believe he would, but he gets so mean. Then within a day or so, he’s sorry and hates himself even more for what he put me through. He works 15-16 hour nights and doesnt get much sleep. I think this may be part of the problem. But his dad is also like this and has put his mom through years of misery and dont say join church because his dad has went to church all his life. His been institutionalized before. I’m starting to dread waking up and seeing what mood he’s in. Help
His dad has even had and been on every medication known to man. My husband is a good man and on good days, he’s wonderful to me. He’s one of those who helps cook and clean and tries to buy me anything I want, but then he goes right back to being miserable. Can I help him or am I just slowly killing myself by staying? Sometimes I just sit and shake all over after one of his episodes. I try to hard on his bad days, but I never can help him. All he says is, he hates life, hates working and hates himself. I love him more than life and can’t imagine not being with him, but he’s killing me and breaking my heart with all of this. Is he depressed? Is he just mean? Is this fixable or are we going to end up divorced? No one we know, knows what is going on because he hides it around people. My girlfriends are actually jealous of what a good husband I have and how lucky I am. I just dont understand how he can be so mean to me sometimes. Does he not love me anymore?
He took effexor for a while..didn’t seem to do much. He can’t take anything that makes him sleepy with his job. He’s willing to get help and he wants help and wants to be different, he just don’t think anything can help him. I’m starting to believe he’s right. Sometimes he’ll go a month or two and be fine…then it hits him again and no, I never knew this about him. He was my first boyfriend when we were 14 (for two years). We split up and got together again 15 years later and he was WONDERFUL! We have no children together. We did raise his son (now 21), but there are no children in our home now. The problem is that I truly love him. Truly. He was the best thing that ever happened to me (at first). What books should I read? What kind of Dr do I call?

Best answer:

Answer by QueenBoudica
Make it perfectly clear that if he doesnt seek professional help you are going to end the marriage.

If that doesn’t get him off his butt, nothing will…

Answer by Emmers J
You’ve married someone who is Depressed, and unfortunately you are absolutely powerless to help him (that’s the most frustrating part). When he is down, let him know you love and support him, but don’t try to save him because by now you know that there’s nothing you can do anyway. Give him space and time to come out of it. I would suggest he get medical help, but that is a personal decision for the two of you to make. Good luck! And hang in there. There are also plenty of books on how to deal with depression in the family that I would suggest you read.

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