Help!!! What Should I Do?

Question by RichardClaptonFan: Help!!! What should I do?
What should I do??? My parents are fighting and arguing all the time. I am in my about to be a teenager and they have been arguing all my life. They just yell, and scream and it gets really bad. My father would NEVER hit my mother and never has.. but he is a really bad swearer. For example, both my parents don’t like the other’s parents very much, but both my Grandfathers are deceased, one in my lifetime and one not. Anyway, my Dad gave it to my Mum’s mum over the phone (while I wasn’t around… Thank God, it would have been pretty bad) and my Mum was quite upset. Yesterday, it was my brother’s 9th bday. My Dad’s mum came over today because she loves both of us and would do ANYTHING for us, and she always cooks for me when I go to her house etc. My Mum said to my Dad before we went to pick her up (she’s 86 and doesn’t drive) that he take my brother take her house, instead of her coming here (He has Autism and wouldn’t really care if she came over anyway). My father told her to shut up. Then, when she came over, my brother just stayed upstairs the whole time, as my Mother predicted. She said ‘hi’ to my Mum and she just nodded her head and made a noise. Then family wars began, my dad got pi$ $ ed off with my Mum, my dad was swearing like hell, all in front of me and then my father said we can talk about this before you leave. Then the rest, as they say, is Ancient History.

But my main point, is that I don’t want my parents to divorce! :’/
I don’t think they will, as they are both Christians and baptised, and my father teaches me about God and Jesus. I am Christian, yet aparrantly I am not baptized under my Mum’s wishes and this has really pi$ $ ed my father off. They had a wedding in a Church before I was born, and neither of them cheat or anything just fight. But I don’t know how long my Mum can stand this!!! I am mostly concerned about the divorce, as I believe that Divorce is a part of the Unforgivable Sin and it is muchly against God’s wishes, and you can go to HELL for it! I don’t want my parents to go to HELL! My parents have never committed the Unforgivable Sin, unlike me who does it all the time (i.e goddamnit, holy cr@p, O.M.G etc.), but my father does say Goddamnit.

Also, my father was on the verge of death a few years ago. My father’s father died when my Dad was 4 and a 1/2 years old in 1964, from Kidney Failure. My father then had it. My Mum gave him a Kidney in September 2007, and both are doing fine now! They are both healthy! However it breaks my heart to hear from my mother that she said she regrets it! And my father said he regrets taking the kidney, but it was for my brother and I. My father got the kidney on September 6, 2007, which was actually their 15th Wedding Anniversary. They have now been married 17 and a half years.

I love BOTH my parents equally, but I feel my Dad spends heaps of time with me, taking me to concerts, etc. He spoils me lots. However, my Mother on the other hand, spends heaps of time watching my brother and stuff, accepting my brother has Autism :-( , but she does go out with me SOMETIMES, and buys me lots of stuff for school, and she tells me to look at my suprise on my bed. I do feel guilty and not proud, but I do give her heaps for not spending much time with me.

Yet the good thing is I am able to have laughs with both of them. And VERY occasionally, the have laughs with each-other, and go out together.

So, my original question is; what can I do to bring the fighting to a minimum/stop it for good? Please Help!

Thank you for taking the time to read this! I appreciate it!!!

Best answer:

Answer by lady S
My son is your age and he gets upset if I argue with his stepdad. It is tough sometimes being an adult such as it is being a teenager. People have differences of opinions like you probably do at school with other kids. It is hard if their arguments are affecting you, have you talked to them about it. You should show them this and tell them they are breaking your heart, I am sure if they love you that would be enough to stop it. If not, it doesnt mean they dont love you it means they need to get help, maybe councelling would help them. They are not leading a healthy life arguing like that.

Can you talk to a teacher at school, especially a religious education teacher. I am divorced from my husband because he used to hurt me alot and he saw other women behind my back. I do not believe people burn in hell for divorce. I am sure god would understand that I couldnt live in that situation anymore.

Your parents do sound nice and kind and it must be hard for your mum looking after and autistic child as it is for you having an autistic brother. You have done the right thing asking for help. Talk to them, ask them to get help and talk to a teacher. That is all I can think of to help you. I wish you all the luck in the world and never blame yourself for anything.

Edit – if you need anymore opinions and dont get anymore answers on here ask the question again but make it a little shorter. People on here do not tend to read longer questions! Have a good day:)

Answer by craig b
One, this is not your fight. You have no power to heal their crap!

However, by telling them how you feel about it all they can come to know how immature they are really acting. You need to understand that they don’t KNOW how to do marriage. All they really know how to be is be 100% selfish! They fight because they want their own way — everytime!

They don’t know how to fix what they broke themselves because they are way to immature to submit one to the other out of LOVE!
I would offer that you pick up the book “Love and Respect” (by Emerson Eggerichs) and give it to them with the support that perhaps they can learn some things they currently do not understand. In you doing this, will show them that YOU are more mature than they are and perhaps they will be willing to START doing the work they have failed to do all along.

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